Orgasms

FAKING IT

I don’t know if I should be offended at being regarded as an EXPERT on the subject of women faking their orgasms. But the short answer to the question ‘should women fake their orgasms in order to please their men ?’ is: yes. Yes please.

That would be so much easier. For a start, it would point us in the right direction.

Men are so secure about this most enigmatic of subjects, that any kind of boost they can get in this, um, area can only enhance a girl’s chances of getting a real orgasm (one day).

At the same time, it’s essential he doesn’t REALISE.
That could devastate him; shatter his (perennially fragile) confidence.

So how should a woman fake the orgasm ? Well, the first thing is, avoid the orgasms you get in porn movies. Men may be stupid but they’re not THAT stupid. Also, refrain from duplicating Hollywood’s idea of what an orgasm sounds like too – the wall-thumping, operatic Meg Ryan/Sharon Stone performances.

There’s no need to worry too much about the calibre of your ‘fake’ anyway. Most men will be too busy basking in the glory of their achievement to question its validity. Plus a lot of men might never have heard what a real orgasm sounds like before.

Because women tend to have sex with men rather than women, they don’t realise how many different types of orgasm there can be – from muffled whimpering to noises approximating death by asphyxiation. One French girl I once had sex with was crying so wildly, I thought she was must be grieving over the death of a close relative. As I persisted in trying to cheer her up the poor girl was sobbing for hours.

No, some nice sighs, a few rising “oohs” and “ahhs” and it will soon be over, especially if you whisper them in his ear. Any unenjoyable or unwanted sex will be over much quicker if you do.

The sad truth is, most men won’t mind if you’re faking anyway. After all, with the woman’s gratification out of the way, things can move forward on to the real purpose of sex: the man’s orgasm.

ends